


Doing Everything I Can To Make Sure I Never Love Again

by closetbidisaster



Series: Diamond Heart [1]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Behavioral Analysis Unit (Criminal Minds), F/F, background Preath and Soran
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2019-12-09
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:14:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21726595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/closetbidisaster/pseuds/closetbidisaster
Summary: Here's to misery that knows no endSo I'm doing everything I canTo make sure I never love againOrThe (brief) Criminal Minds AU I've been wanting to write
Relationships: Alex Morgan/Kelley O'Hara, Julie Johnston/Alex Morgan, Kelley O'Hara/Hope Solo, Lindsey Horan/Emily Sonnett, Tobin Heath/Christen Press
Series: Diamond Heart [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1566424
Comments: 3
Kudos: 64





	Doing Everything I Can To Make Sure I Never Love Again

**Author's Note:**

> Song suggestion from @alexohara19 on Tumblr
> 
> Sorry about the delay. Been catching up on other things.
> 
> Enjoy!

Kelley O’Hara had a fairly good life, in her own opinion. She loved her job and she loved her teammates. They operated on a mutual respect for and trusting of one another. It’s probably why they worked so well together, and why they helped solve so many cases.

Section chief Becky Sauerbrunn and Senior Supervisory Special Agent Megan Rapinoe ran the Behavioral Analysis Unit and hand-picked the rest of the team. Technical analyst Emily Sonnett was quirky as all hell, but she was damn good at her job, helping them catch more suspects this year than the previous three before she got here combined. Then there was the rookie, Tierna Davidson. Graduating Stanford at sixteen and receiving her Ph.D. at twenty, Dr. Davidson was by far the baby of the team, but she was one of the best in her field. The rest of the team included public affairs liaison Christen Press and agents Kelley O’Hara, Tobin Heath and Tobin’s partner, Lindsey Horan.

There had been another member of their team once upon a time. Hope Solo had been the pseudo third leader of the team for a few years already when Kelley arrived at the BAU. The pair had quickly hit it off and everyone had seen the chemistry. After all, they were supposed to be good at seeing that sort of thing. The sparks had flown and the two had started a relationship not too long after. Everything had been going amazing until it wasn’t. Hope had been killed in a deadly raid that resulted in the capturing of dozens of human traffickers. Kelley had knelt by her fiancée, holding her hand as she took her last breaths.

Kelley had lost a part of herself that night in the raid. She had taken a month and a half off at the request of Becky. Eventually, she had become restless and decided she needed to return. She felt better when she was surrounded by the ones she considered to be her family. Her first day back had been the hardest, seeing Hope’s picture on a plaque among the wall of the fallen. She continued to wear the ring until three months had passed, only taking it off to keep the questions away. She had stowed it away in a box she kept hidden under her floorboards along with a promise to never let herself fall in love again, especially not with another coworker.

* * *

“Alright, guys. Before we get started this morning, I have an announcement to make,” Becky tries to grab her squad’s attention. They are all moving around the briefing room, taking their seats, pouring coffee, and chatting about their previous weekends. None of them had noticed the new face in the room, too focused on themselves.

She clears her throat, finally grabbing everyone’s attention.

“I know that a lot of us are still...recovering, but Director Lloyd has requested that we fill the vacant spot.” Kelley ignores the quick looks thrown her way and rubs her ring finger, a nervous habit she still has yet to break.

“After a lot of consideration, Pinoe and I have reached a decision. This is Alex Morgan from the Los Angeles field office; please make her feel welcome and help show her the ropes. Press, let’s hear what we’ve got.”

Christen stood up and clicked the remote to start the presentation. Kelley tried to pay attention to the case, she really did. But she found herself distracted by the new agent. She looked to be about the same age as Kelley herself and had an unreadable look on her face. Naturally, Kelley felt compelled to be able to read it. So she studied the woman, looking for any possible indicators.

She tunes back in just in time to hear, “wheels up in twenty.” Standing, she follows everyone else out of the room and grabs her go-bag. She’ll read the file on the jet, she decides. Getting on the jet, she finds everyone in their usual spots. Becky is doing her crossword and Christen is playing chess with Tierna, while Megan, Lindsey, and Tobin are poring over the files and bouncing ideas off of each other already in front of an open laptop that will be used to video chat Sonnett with during the flight. Kelley’s eyes fall to the couch at the back of the jet, the one she always sits on during the flight out. She likes to have time alone, to think, before hitting the ground running. However, it appears that this will not be the case today. Alex Morgan has taken a seat on the couch and Kelley stands in the aisle, unsure of what to do.

“O’Hara. Take a seat, we gotta take off.” Kelley makes the decision to sit on the other end of the couch, not willing to give up her spot despite the new face being there.

Once the pilot announces they no longer have to be buckled, Kelley stands and goes to pour herself a cup of coffee, clutching a copy of the case file in her hand. She sits back down and begins reading the file, taking in the available information. She feels eyes on her and looks up, finding piercing blue eyes trained on her, studying her.

“Can I help you?”

“Just practicing my profiling skills,” the taller brunette quips back. Kelley stares for a moment before looking back to the file. She refuses to let her routine be interrupted by the new addition to the team.

“How long have you been with the BAU?”

“Three years,” she replies without looking up, eyes still scanning the file.

“What made you join?”

“They asked,” she closes the file before looking up at Alex.

“What about you?”

“They asked,” the other woman smirks slightly, mocking Kelley’s response back to her. Kelley still cannot get a good read on the woman and it is starting to frustrate her. She was a profiler for God’s sake. And a really good one at that.

Alex tilts her head towards the chess game on the other end of the jet. “How old is Dr. Davidson?” Kelley flicks her eyes towards the game and smiles when she sees that Tierna had managed to squeak out the win. About time; she had been playing Becky at least once a case since she got here and had yet to beat the older woman.

“Twenty-one.”

“She’s a kid.”

Kelley looks at her for a moment before replying.

“She’s smart and a damn good profiler.”

“I never said otherwise.”

Before Kelley can reply the pilot tells them they will be beginning their final descent into Los Angeles. The squad members move to the seats and buckle up, each one mentally preparing themselves for what is to come.

* * *

The jet ride home felt more or less the same as it always had. Tierna was passed out on the couch, a half-finished chess game on the table in front of her sleeping figure. Becky was sitting and looking out the window, wanting to get back soon so she can shower and sleep. Pinoe was on the phone with her fiancée while Tobin was sitting next to her and flirting with Christen who was across from her. Kelley rolled her eyes at the two of them; for a profiler, Tobin was incredibly oblivious when it came to Christen and her feelings. She spotted Lindsey talking to the computer screen indicating she is talking with Sonnett. Young love. Kelley opts for a different seat, away from the flirting. She noticed Alex was alone, towards the front of the jet, her fingers twitching and leg bouncing.

Kelley decided to take the seat across from her, noting that this was the first time since the pair met that she had been able to get something of a read on her. Alex did nothing to acknowledge her presence for a moment, but eventually looked at her and flashed a brief, nervous smile.

“So,” Kelley starts, “what do you think?”

“Of?”

“This. The BAU. What we do.”

“It’s...heavy. Heavier than I thought it would be and, believe me, I thought it would be heavy. But, I’m glad I’m here and I’m glad we caught the guy before he could do any more damage.” Kelley nods, following along.

“So what are you nervous about?” Alex looks down and stops shaking her leg, stilling her hands as well.

“I’ve, uh, I’ve heard what this job can do to relationships…” she trails off.

“And you’re worried what it can do for you and your boyfriend,” she finishes and Alex coughs slightly, looking away.

“Girlfriend?” A small blush comes across her face and Kelley smiles softly.

“What’s her name?”

“Julie. But, she goes by JJ.”

Alex’s fingers have started twitching again, so Kelley reaches out to grab a hand gently.

“Can I give you some advice?” After receiving a nod, she leans forward a little more and speaks in a whisper.

“Go home, take a shower, kiss your girl and get some sleep. We’re doing it all over again sooner than you’d think.” Alex offers a small smile in return.

* * *

“Hey, Morgan! I got you a coffee,” Kelley offers with a smile. She is surprised when Alex stares blankly at her. Turning to look behind herself, Kelley finds nobody behind her and looks back at the other woman.

“Alex? You good?” The younger woman’s eyes look hollow and Kelley looks behind the woman to study her desk. The first thing she notices is the face-down picture frame and that’s when she catches it.

She comes to the desk and leans against it, setting the coffee down in front of Alex. “What happened?”

“She left me.” The pain in the brunette’s voice was enough for Kelley to feel it in her own heart. The younger woman had finally found all of her bearings among the team but had apparently lost everything from her personal life as a result. Kelley’s heart hurts for the woman and she wants to offer her condolences or maybe a hug, but before she can, Becky is calling them to the briefing room.

* * *

“So when are you going to ask her out?”

Kelley startles at her friend’s voice. Turning to face Christen, she raises an eyebrow.

“Ask who out?”

“Alex.” Kelley laughs.

“Why would I do that?”

“C’mon Kel. I’ve known you long enough by now to know that you like her.”

“Did you become a profiler without me knowing?” She smiles, laughing and fights the urge to make a comment on how long it had taken for her and Tobin to figure it out themselves.

“No,” Christen leans against Kelley’s desk and smiles at her friend, “I just recognize the twinkle in your eye. I haven’t seen it in a while…” she trails off and Kelley’s own easy smile fades away as her heart twists. She refused to believe she had a twinkle in her eye when it came to the younger woman; she had vowed to never fall for a coworker again.

“She has the same twinkle, you know? The one she used to get when she talked about her. I see it when she talks to you.” Christen pushes off the desk and walks towards Becky’s office as Kelley’s eyes follow her, mind spinning “Briefing room in five, Kelley.” 

“Hey, O’Hara. What’s got your mind running so fast?” Kelley looks at the woman and offers an easy smile.

“Oh, just wondering how someone could look so pretty so early in the morning.” She doesn’t mean to flirt, but it _is_ an integral part of her personality and it just sort of slipped out. And now that Christen has gotten inside her head, she finds herself studying the younger woman for a reaction.

Alex turns away to drop her things at her desk, but Kelley catches a hint of a blush dusting her face. She notices the way Alex’s fingers tap nervously as she looks around her desk to make sure she has everything she will need. She catches on to the fact that Alex is purposely avoiding eye contact. Suddenly, Kelley feels guilty. She tries not to profile her friends (they usually don’t appreciate it) and she doesn’t want to lead the younger woman on if she actually does have feelings for her.

Before she can speak, apologize or just say _something_ , Alex is moving to head towards the briefing room. “Coming, Kel?”

“Right behind you, Al.” The pair head to the room together. When they enter, they find everyone else starting to settle. Kelley heads immediately to the coffee corner and pours two cups, handing one to Alex as she sits next to her. A soft squeeze to her elbow as she sits is the silent ‘thank you’ she receives for it. As she gets settled, she glances up to Christen and sees she is giving her a look and she promptly sticks her tongue out at the press liaison.

* * *

By the time they get back to HQ, Kelley is ready to drop. She can’t leave yet though; they all have to go through a debriefing before going home. She sees her fellow squad members dragging their feet to their respective desks. Lindsey drops her go-bag and braces herself to catch Sonnett who has launched herself at her girlfriend, happy they are all home safe. Tierna puts her travel chessboard in her desk and sets her head on her desk with a groan. Christen goes to her office immediately, talking on the phone with someone (probably getting a new case for them) while Tobin goes to the kitchenette to get another cup of coffee. Becky and Megan go to their respective offices to start preparing for the debriefing process. Kelley collapses in her chair, placing her head in her hands, feeling incredibly guilty. She feels someone next to her and lifts her head.

“Don’t beat yourself up, Kel. I’m okay,” Alex attempts to soothe her guilt. Kelley’s eyes fix on the sling before moving to the wicked bruise covering a fourth of Alex’s face.

“I should’ve moved quicker. I should’ve seen it coming. I...I didn’t have your back,” she lets out in a whisper. Alex reaches out with her uninjured arm and grabs Kelley’s hand.

“Kelley, if you didn’t have my back, I wouldn’t be here.”

Before she can reply, she hears Becky’s voice.

“Everyone except Morgan, go home. We’ll debrief properly in the morning.” Everyone stands to gather things and get out before they’re called back. Tobin goes to Christen’s office to get her, Lindsey and Emily leave hand-in-hand, and Tierna pulls herself up with another groan, dragging her feet as she follows the two blondes out of the squad room. Kelley stands slowly, glancing at the closed door to Becky’s office. As much as she wants to go home herself, she wants to make sure Alex is okay and has a way to get home. So, she decides to stay seated and waits.

It doesn’t take long for the younger woman to emerge, a tired look on her face as she walks back to her desk to gather her things.

“What are you still doing here?”

“Waiting for you, princess. Everything good?”

Alex nods and picks up her jacket. She attempts to put it on one-handed but is having trouble. Kelley quickly stands and helps her shrug it on.

“Broon just wanted to make sure I knew I would be deskbound for a little while.”

“Do you need a ride home or anything?”

She shakes her head and smiles.

“Nah, my sister’s in town. She’s already waiting for me downstairs.” Kelley smiles back and rubs the back of her neck unsure of what to say now. Alex heads for the elevator and Kelley sits back down at her desk.

“Hey, Kel?” Kelley looks up to see Alex has poked her head back in. “You coming?”

“Uh, I’ll see you tomorrow. I got a couple of things to finish up before I go home.”

“Ok. See you tomorrow.” She leaves and heads to the elevator. Kelley watches her get in and smiles as the door closes. She looks back to her desk, attempting to focus on her paperwork for about thirty seconds before sighing.

“Oh, fuck it.” She stands and grabs her phone, slipping her leather jacket on before taking the stairs down out to the parking lot, hoping to catch the younger woman. She reaches the lot and spots the taller brunette about to get into a car.

“Hey, Morgan!” Alex turns and gives her a slightly confused, mostly amused, smile. Kelley continues approaching before stopping a few feet away. She takes a breath and rests her hands on her hips, psyching herself up.

“Yes, O’Hara?”

“Would you maybe-I mean if you’re up to it-like if you want to,” she can’t quite figure out to word it. Alex, on the other hand, looks highly amused at her flustered state as she waits for her.

“Would I maybe…?” Her eyes are twinkling in the streetlights and Kelley knows Christen had been right.

So she takes a deep breath and goes again.

“Would you maybe like to go out sometime? With me? Like, on a date.”

“About damn time, O’Hara.” 

Alex takes the few steps forward it takes to get to her and kisses her cheek. Kelley feels her face grow hot and she studies her feet, feeling like a teenager again. Alex gets in her sister’s car, giving a small wave and a smile. As Kelley watches the car drive off, she turns to head to her own car, a smile still plastered on her face.

Maybe love could be good.

**Author's Note:**

> Up next: a Taylor Swift fic!
> 
> Will post tomorrow! (I promise this time :) )
> 
> Come chat with me on Tumblr @closetbidisaster


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